He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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