sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
