im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
