fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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