I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
