hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
