the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
