I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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