Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you would pick up someone in the library
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
