just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am one with the molecules
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
