I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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