My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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