There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
where are you?
Hypothermia
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
