I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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