Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
