the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
