haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
