goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
