He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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