R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
