I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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