I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
