just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
