I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
