weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
