Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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