I wish life had little blips of pornography
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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