I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
