U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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