We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
