Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
