I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
