Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
