Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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