The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
