I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
