she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
