happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
