Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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