I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
