My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
