I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
