i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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