will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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