bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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