So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
