Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
