my soul wont recognize me after tonight
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize