i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
