party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
