She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
