12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
