You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
