He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
