I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize