What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
