trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
