I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
