dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
