saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
