My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We got so high we made milksteak
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
