i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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