one might say we're banned from that church
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
