Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
