Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
