I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
