I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
