Need sex. Gaining weight.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
