Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
