I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.