i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch