If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.