just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs