apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life