I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.