Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.