i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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