So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
