and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
