Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
