UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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