ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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