You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
