there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
