ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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