you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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