Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
